In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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