i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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