i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
