And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
