how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
