your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
