she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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