I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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