Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
