God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
