Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
