The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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