He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
