My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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