all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
