got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
