my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize