I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
