You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
