Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
