So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
