Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
