I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
