So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it hurts more in the daytime
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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