i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
