pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
