and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
