She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
