It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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