You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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