Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's just like the Real World with babies
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
