dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
