It's like God shit irony all over that family
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
