FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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