you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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