I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
