I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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