One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
