used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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