When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
