Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
