11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do vagina's smell?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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