If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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