??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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