I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
