I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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