I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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