Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
is that a dick in a sweater?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
