I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
