Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
