It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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