If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
