hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
