Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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