Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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