who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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