I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
