I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
