ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
