I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
